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The Big Orange Cat and The Draft Day Tornado have teamed up to bring you the Scouting Report - Week 2 - Cardinals. Read the article, watch the totally un-biased video and above all... Enjoy!

-Defend the pass rush of the Seahawk defense. Arizona's O-line has been shaky the last several years, and we all know O-line's don't turn great over night. You need continuity. Their O-line's suckitude is not a one game thing. They will need extra blocking from their TE's and RB's. If Seattle blitzes from all angles, Arizona will have to get rid of the ball fast. With the improved secondary that sticks like glue...Leinart is in for a tough day.

-Edge needs to have a field day. He will need to keep drives alive and have a very good yards per. He looked OK in the first game, but his average play was below average. Behind that line, he will need a quick burst and a little luck to gain something big. Either that or he will need the Hawks defense to miss some tackles. The defense of Seattle is fresh, and with the speed and pursuit capabilities, coupled with the lack of Hamlin, Edge will have problems. He needs luck. Need I remind you he plays for Arizona.

-Arizona's defense will have to contain Shaun. You can base this on track record, easily. This has been their game plan every year for the past half decade, and they have failed miserably each time. With their attention turn to Shaun, they may need to sneak some blitzes in when they put safeties in the box. If they do that on a questionable situation (50-50 run or pass), and Shaun runs, they need to break through quickly to him. If they aim at Hass and our extra blocker hits his man, Shaun will gain huge yards. This whole thing is commonly known as 'choose your poison'.

-Arizona's secondary will have to step up. Their linebackers are solid, but not fast enough to keep up with the Burleson's of the world. The secondary is terrible. Adrian Wilson can't do everything. With the secondary spending time up close with an eye on Shaun, speedsters like Burleson will burn them. If they do blitz, Seattle can counter will their efficient slant routes, which Engram, Branch, and Pollard excel in.

-For special teams, Arizona will need good field position. Any team could use this, though. Arizona is known for sputtering as they head down field, so their FG's will need to be made, and their field position will have to be prime. Stooping Seattle, however, will be tough.

-Finally, the mentality of the Cardinals is in question. Larry Fitzgerald was recently quoted for saying that his team did not look at the game film from the 49ers game. While I imagine they ended up doing so, the fact that Larry didn't want to is proof that this team is not mentally tough. If you can't accept losses, you won't learn from them. If Seattle jumps early, can Arizona respond? No, because Seattle is too disciplined. Disciplined teams don't blow big leads. We already saw Arizona crumble under pressure Monday night with the game at stake. Seattle has done this over and over. Experience will reign supreme. Seattle just has way better intangibles. Home field won't do jack to the Seahawks' psyche. they are mentally tough. Why do you think Torry Holt suddenly choked on his anal probe?

With that said, Arizona will need to get out in front early, and run away with it by the middle of the 3rd quarter. Even in doing so, they will need luck and some breaks. Whether its injuries, refs, or Seattle not being able to get into gear. This is a healthier Seattle club. I hope the Arizona fans have low expectations.

[Comments taken in SeahawkBlue Forums]

Sun-drenched Seahawks Stadium was yesterday the site of a very likeable event, namely, a win by the Seahawks. But even more appealing than the victory was the play of certain individuals and squads, whose luminescence was unhideable under even the most tightly-woven bushel. In fact, their skills were showcased to the NFL like a rhinoplasted Buzz Aldrin brandishing his hot daughter—err, granddaughter—err, trophy grandwife—around Hollywood.

Citizen K, for the most part, (as you may already be aware,) hates corporate sponsorships like Aztecs hate la Malinche and rappers hate decency. However, he believes the Hawks might have truly found gold with one of their major contributors, Qwest, whose Line-Backer™ service has been well adapated to the gridiron environ in the form of an incredible group of defenders. Loofah, Jew-Peat, and Leroy “The Vulcan” Hill played like Wal-Mart customers intent on procuring the $30 DVD player, as they knocked down, stomped, trampled, and generally wreaked havoc upon the offense of the Bucs. Loofah wowed the crowd with his stable of delightful impressions, including Tony Roma (as he carved up Cadillac Williams’ ribs after first tenderizing him,) and Sheryl Crow violently rejecting Lance Armstrong’s teabag proposal (as he punched the ball out on the opening drive.) Citizen K likes Loofah as the game’s MVP , as he read plays like a Broadway producer, and hit with Katrina devastation force. Jew-Peat and The Vulcan were right with him, making sacks like Teong Chuan Plastic Company, stalking the line of scrimmage like John Hinkley, Jr., and halting runs like Immodium. What a game by this crew!

Citizen K likes suspense movies, but oddly dislikes suspense in real life. Thus, he liked the second half of this game very much, as it contained absolutely no tension whatsoever. The Seahawks’ defense came ouf of halftime as brawny and stout as Bruce Vilanch’s suspenders, and the game was basically over at that point. Huge plays were made by, among others, Rocky Bernard (big hits on Garcia and McCown,) Patrick Kerney and Bryce Fisher (high-low blast on sack of Garcia,) Jew-Peat and Hill (pounding of Garcia, forcing him out,) Chuck Darby (big tackles and 1/2 sack,) Craig Terrill (tipped passes and big stop,) and Kelly “Toothpick” Jennings (pass defensed, surehanded tackles, and a fumble return.) The defense so far is looking as inspired as Moses, and is playing as fast as the Micro Machines guy talked and as hard as Gwen Stefani’s stomach. Like the attentions of Mark Foley, they’re all on the same page; many times during the game incompletions and sacks were forced by the Verizon-like total coverage by the defensive backfield combined with a relentless, “Sally Struthers pursuing yum-yums” pass rush. If the first game of the year is any indication, the offseason pickups of Mora, Grant, Russell, and Kerney will be as successful as the Battle of Navarino was at ending Muslim piracy in the Mediterranean.

Citizen K doesn’t like Jerramy “LOL—it’s Jerramy Stevens” Stevens. That's all he has to say about that.

Unsurprisingly, Citizen K likes it when the Seahawks score points. This generally requires an offense as magnificent and flowing as Absalom’s hair, and a return game devoid of irresponsible and brainless, Cindy Sheehan-like penalties. These goals were both achieved at times during Sunday’s game, although not yet consistently. Shaun Alexander, Citizen K’s second-most admired player, like a refreshing summer rainfall started slowly with a yarddrop here and there—even getting stuffed on third and short—but picked up momentum, transforming into a gale-force downpour of yardage by the game’s end. Deion Branch apparently didn’t even dress for the game, and D.J. “DJ Hackett” Hackett got hurt, but their absences were concealed by great receiver play by Na-Bur, Bobby “Geritol” Engram, Mack Strong, Marcus “Geritol Jr.” Pollard, and Maurice “Change of Pace” Morris. SA even caught a couple of passes! (albeit juggling them, but still, baby steps…) Their receiving efforts were assisted by an incredible blocking performance by the Offensive Line which rivaled Jessica Alba’s tight package in its perfection. Sacks, penalties, blown blocks, blitzes—all were, like the city of Jericho, basically reduced to nonexistence. Chuck Taylorly (conversely,) the Bucs had a spate of offensive and special teams whoopsies that took them out of big plays several times and put them at a huge competitive disadvantage; (as if playing the Hawks in Seattle wasn’t enough…) The Hawks will need a more complete offensive game to beat better teams this season, but it’s obvious that, like Casey Jones, they’re on the right track.

Citizen K would like to mention the special teams again. He liked Na-Bur’s long returns, but SO MUCH disliked the negative “gains” “earned” on multiple returns, the long returns given up, and the poor decision making while returning kicks out of the end zone. If the team had lost this game, the play of the special teams might have been a big contributor to the defeat. On the other hand, Citizen K wears a ring. Seriously though, on the other hand, the big yardage they gave up on returns was, like John Edwards’ riches, earned through less-than-moral means, and it was justly returned to its rightful owner, the Seahawks. However, that leaves the problem of the returners stuttering like Blue Jays’ manager John Gibbons, cutting back, and losing yardage. That is a problem that, like your kitten or husband, must be fixed in order to avoid unwanted results in the future. Again, Citizen K for the most part likes Na-Bur returning kicks, especially the sweet stiffarm chastisement he levied against the Bucs’ punter’s insubordinate helmet on the 56 yard return that set up the Hawks’ first TD. (Citizen K is certain Leonard Weaver had to change his pants on the sideline after that play.)

In all, Citizen K liked the win. The team is, like Fred Thompson for President, displaying great potential in virtually all phases of the game, and, unlike John McCain for President, or Amy Winehouse, is revealing few—if any—noticeable weaknesses. Teamwork, like French armpits, is strong, and the short passing attack is flourishing like grass around a septic tank drainfield. Good showing, so far.


Derrick Brooks – sir cork be dork

Josh Bidwell – who beds Jill

That’s it. Sorry, my anagram software apparently doesn’t like Bucs names.

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      By albaNY Hawker

First a little history for the lurkers and uninitiated.

This award was started at the beginning of the 2005 season, and was originally titled the Moonlight Graham Award, after my first Adopt-A-Seahawk Chris Davis, and the Burt Lancaster character in the movie Field of Dreams. In keeping with that character, this award is given out to the unsung player or players who step up to the plate and excel in the game, in one matter or another.

Last season, in order to update the award and better reflect my unhealthy attraction to gorgeous women who I don't have an ice cube's chance in hell with, it was renamed the Alba Dark Angel Award. This not only ties the award a little closer to my screen name, it allows me to illustrate the text with hidden pictures of Jessica! The purpose of the award remains the same, so without any further ado, let's get to the inaugural recipient for the 2007 season.

Watching the first half of the game on tape delay, thanks to a 2:00pm EST conflict with my son's Pop Warner game, I was afraid that the only viable candidate for this award would be Ryan Plackemeier! Sadly, my son's team was shut out for the entire game, where the Seahawk offense was able to break out of their funk shortly before halftime.

The 2007 season didn't really seem to start of the offense until Nate Burleson provided a startling wake up call with his 57 yard punt return that he nearly took to the house. However, he also did his Taco Wallace impression on a few other returns, running East-West rather than North-South, and nearly killed the momentum as quickly as he started it, when he fumbled the ball fighting for extra yardage. Here's a little Alba Advice for Nuclear Nate: don't try so damned hard. Let the game come to you and you'll be fine, and who knows, you may be waking up the morning after next to a beautiful Alba Dark Angel one day this season.

Early on in the game, it was looking like Marcus Pollard would wind up with this week's Alba, where he racked up most of his 5 drive sustaining catches for 43 yards - but most importantly no FUMBLES or DROPS! But while it's really great to see Mack Strong's contemporary fitting in so nicely with the Seattle offense, 5 catches for 43 yards just isn't enough to get you Week #1 iron. Keep up the good work though Marcus, I see one of these in your future.

Speaking of Tight Ends, former Seahawk Jerramy Stevens nearly had this week's trophy firmly in his grasp, however, just like the one ball that was thrown his way, he fumbled it, and then the damned refs ruined his homecoming by negating the play (and a turnover) by calling the first of two very ticky-tack roughing the passer penalties. Look at the bright side Jerramy, I think you'll have several weeks to think about this pitiful performance, once Goodell responds to your conviction. And since it's said that 'time passes', you'll probably drop that too.

But there was one player who stepped out of the shadows in this game, but before we get to that, I have to HonorAlba Mentions.

The first goes to Mike 'Tear the Cover Off the Playbook' Holmgren, who called a very aggressive and creative game plan, that included several WR and RB screen passes, a naked bootleg, and a FREAKIN FLEA FLICKER! Yes, you've read that correctly. The Walrus seemed to be channelling the spirit of Jack Patera there for a moment, when Shaun Alexander pulled up at the line and tossed the ball back to Matt. Unfortunately, the play was sniffed out by the aggressive Buccaneer defense, and actually cost us yardage, but it was refreshing to see some old-time razzle-dazzle out of the Seahawks offense.

The second goes to the Entire Team, which was only called for 3 penalties for 35 yards, two of which where B.S. roughing the passer calls, and none of which came on special teams.

And now, a drum roll please...

The Week #1 Alba Dark Angel Award for the 2007 is going to backup running back Mo Morris. When Mo Mo came into the game, the speed and efficiency at which he brought it to ultimate climax, might only be rivaled by a chance romantic encounter between this blogger and the namesake of this award! Looking at his stat line, 3 carries for 15 yards, 1 reception for 34 yards, it doesn't appear that he did much. But sometimes it's not so much WHAT you do, but WHEN you do it.

From the way that Shaun ripped off his chinstrap in anger shortly before MoMo entered the game, I was concerned that he had gotten hurt. But whether S.A. was dinged up, or just needed a blow, MoMo made the most of the opportunity to get into a game and affect the final outcome. While only gaining 15 yards, it seemed that each of his three carries produced a first down. And the one catch he had, scored the insurance touchdown the Seahawks needed to salt away the rest of the quarter and secure the victory.

So Mr. Morris, enjoy your night with this Alba Dark Angel. I can imagine that just like a night with the lovely Miss Jessica, in the morning you'll roll over and just want Mo, Mo, Mo!

[Comments taken in the SeahawkBlue Front Page Forum]

(don't forget to look for the hidden picture of Jessica!)