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By The Watchdog
"Why in the world should grown men be put in this position? In all my years in professional sports, I've never been forced into some gay home decor magazine to pass the time just to use a urinal!"
Isaiah Kacyvenski had done more than his share of bitch-like complaining in the full three-and-a-half and counting minutes of imprisonment he had endured waiting to use the restroom in the former Mike Martz and current Scott Linehan waiting room dungeon which also doubled as a "freeze-the-kicker" type setting for the unwitting and unlucky recipients of the wrath of the small man in the big chair.
"Holms never left me sitting out here this long," he brooded not quite under his breath, when suddenly an old friend burst through the door. It was none other than the former Ram and winner of the Peter Brady hair mimic-fest 2006, Grant Wistrom. He had tears in his eyes coupled with a creepy sweat running down his brow. Even more odd was the fact that he was also followed into the room by Bryce Fisher and Jerremy Stevens, who each looked equally moist about the head and face.
"Fish!" Exclaimed Kaz as he jumped to his feet with arms extended."Grant, guys! What are you all doing here?"
"We're here to spearhead the Rams/Seahawks anti-massacre movement," spurted Jerremy, prematurely as usual which resulted in the traditional back-handed co-slap from Fisher and Wistrom. After which Fisher continued his diatribe.
"You know we miss you Kaz, and we think this whole rivalry and hatred thing is you know-just so silly."
"Yeah silly," interjected Stevens while shaking his melon in a bit too much of an unmanly fashion, drawing raised and threatening hands once again.
"What J-mouth means is we miss you man, and even though you're a traitor and an outcast, well, we still love you," said Wistrom. "And we want to be able to come see you without that NFL Network punk-ass suit pulling out his note-pad and running at me. Makes me crazy."
"Yeah me too," interjected Stevens - again. "Makes me want to run over there and put my knee in his nuts!"
"What we're trying to say is that we think that Seahawks and Rams can co-exist and be friends, you know, outside the stadium" Fisher finished.
"Yeah that's right," said Stevens again. "In fact, I think I wanna be Mike Martz when I grow up, yeah, all I need to do is work on my crazy a little bit, grow me some manny-boobs like Holms and man, I be set up!"
At this point Scott Linehan stormed into the room and back-handed Jerremy himself, dropping him to the floor. And the question which was so bravely imposed lurked like stalkers on the faces of the men as they gazed at one another...
Could the Seahawks and Rams be kin-like? Could they be brothers, pals and friends? Would we ever be able to buy a banner with a full bloom Sea-chicken perched atop a shiny, curly rainbow-styled Ram horn?Tune in for the exciting continuation of "When Animals Attach!"
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Labels: The Watchdog